The one about adultery
Last week was murder. Well done if you took the message to heart and didn’t murder anyone. We discovered it’s not so much a Command, far more a Promise:   You shall not murder ..because I, the Lord, will give you my spirit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness…
This week, it’s the one about adultery. You shall not commit adultery.. because I will show you what true love and faithfulness is. I will give you my Spirit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, humility, and self-control.
Like murder, adultery makes for great TV drama. Who wants to watch endless episodes of a couple who meet, fall in love, stay in love, remain faithful ‘till death us do art’. Tune in next week for more. Sal and I are now Season 32, week 22, day 2. So, adultery makes for great TV drama – but is lousy in real life.
It leaves people feeling hurt, betrayed, angry… And it’s not all that it’s trumped up to be for those who betray, two-time, their life-partner.
Talking about adultery can be tricky, triggering – we’ve all know those who have experienced it. For some of us, it’s deeply personal; either because of the hurt that has been done to us, or how we have hurt others. 
When two people in a committed relationship are so together, emotionally, intimately, sexually – maybe, they’ve bought property together, got the dog, even children (maybe not) – and then one, unbeknown to the other, secretly has sex with someone else, it feels like they’ve been torn apart.
So much for “To have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part.”
In Exodus, thousands of years ago in the desert, they knew nothing of what we today think of as marriage. No “save the day” cards, no white wedding ceremony with Bridesmaids, Best Man, photographer, no ‘big do’ afterwards, no honeymoon in Scotland or the Bahamas. Yet, when they entered into a committed relationship they were considered “married”. Today I think the wisdom of this 7th Promise applies to all committed relationships, not just for those that have the State-administered ‘marriage certificate’.
The Mosaic Law viewed adultery as serious. It was considered an offence; hence, something you committed. You commit adultery. Why? 
When you are a pilgrim people, migrating en masse from one part of the world to another – fleeing an oppressive regime, taking huge risks to cross borders, even the sea, in the hope of finding safety and a new life in another country, as the Hebrews/ Israelites were, it was hugely disruptive/ risky to have people betraying each other.
But the Law that Moses articulated only penalised women. Women were viewed as the property of men. The patriarchy was raging. It was an offence for a married woman to betray her husband. 
Leviticus 20:10-11:
“If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife—with the wife of his neighbour—both the adulterer and the adulteress are to be put to death.
If a man has sexual relations with his father’s wife, he has dishonoured his father. Both the man and the woman are to be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.”
The offence was to take another man’s property – his wife. The Law at that time did not prohibit married men from have extramarital affairs. It was only an issue if she was married. Then the offence was having sex with another man’s wife.
Today, adultery continues to affect the genders differently. Studies suggest 1 in 4 marriages are affected by unfaithfulness, with men 50% more likely to commit adultery than women. 20% of married men and 13% of married women report having sex with someone outside their marriage. And people are likely to under-report, as they do about alcohol-consumption. 
Women continue to be treated unequally when it comes to sex: he’s playing the field, he’s a stud; she’s promiscuous, she’s shamed. 
Jesus radically and publicly challenged this (Jn.4:1-26 & Jn.8:1-11). The Samaritan woman who’d had 5 husbands (Jn.4) and the woman caught in adultery (Jn.8)
“Let any of you who is without sin be the first to throne a stone. Neither do I condemn you. God and leave your life of sin, your life of shame.”
It’s sobering, even healthy, for us all to accept none of us are immune from adultery. We all have the potential to be hurt, to hurt others, to hurt ourselves.
Not even King David. David, ‘hero of the faith’; David, the one who slayed Giant Goliath with just a slingshot  and a few stones; David, the writer of the Psalms; David, the ‘man after God’s own heart’.. succumbed to adultery. 
It had serious consequences, not just for David, but also for Bathsheba, the wife of General Urriah.
2 Samuell 11 says, whilst General Urriah was off to war, King David remained in Jerusalem. One evening, whilst on his rooftop terrace, he spotted Bathsheba have a bath. He watched her naked, like the neighbour through the window. Later, David used his privileged position of power to have sex with her.  Like abuses today, she was sexually exploited: he was the King; she wasn’t in a position to refuse. 
This was an offence. Bathsheba was married. According to Leviticus 20:10 they both should have been stoned to death. But David was King – untouchable.
Bathsheba became pregnant. Tragically, the baby died after just 7 days – never named, erased from history, like he/she never existed.
In having sex with Bathsheba, David betrayed his wife, Michal. In 1 Samual 18, Michal was the youngest daughter of Saul. She loved David. It doesn’t say that he loved her. To give her away (remember the property), Saul demanded 100 Philistine foreskins. What?! 33 years ago I went to another David (my now father-in-law) to ask for his blessing to marry Sally. Dave didn’t say, “yes, but only if you pay me 100 Aston Villa foreskins.” King David came back with 200 foreskins. What a romantic! Imagine counting them out, weighing them in little plastic money bags: 5 x fingers; 50 x foreskins. Despite the largesse, now he’s committed adultery, betraying heart-broken Bathsheba.
By the way, that same chapter, 1 Samual 18, introduces Jonathan, Saul’s eldest son (Michal’s older brother) – who David had an ambiguous relationship with. Was it a ‘bro-mance’, two mates with a strong, close friendship? Or was it something much more intimate? Jonathan, we’re told, was courageous, strong, and in good physical shape.
“Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself” (18:1).
“Jonathan loved David as himself” (18:3).
“Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt.” (18:4)
Then, on Jonathan’s death, David declared: “I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother; you were very dear to me. Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women.” 2 Samuel 1:26
Back to Bathsheba. To get rid of General Urriah, David engineered his death by sending him on a suicide mission. Urriah was killed in battle. His death was the not-so indirect consequence of David’s adultery.
What a mess.
•	Bathsheba – sexually exploited/ abused by power
•	the unnamed baby – erased from existence/ family history 
•	Michal – heart-broken, betrayed
•	Urriah - dead
•	David’s other wives, concubines, mistresses…
•	Wider family
•	Workplace colleagues/ staff
And, David himself; his reputation and spiritual standing tarnished. Ever increasing lies, deceit, twisted judgment, abuse of power…
What a mess. And all because David  didn’t remain faithful; he didn’t bring his desires and relationships under the control of God’s spirit.
Why is adultery so damaging, so painful? Because how a couple love one another and remain faithful to each other is a picture of how Christ (the Bride Groom) loves His Church (you and I). In Week #1 ‘No other gods’, we saw that God has swiped right on us. God has already gone exclusive with you and I. Christ hailed His colours to the mast, the Cross. God knows the searing pain of betrayal, when we two-time God. 
Rather than be passive, powerless, here is some very practical wisdom from the Scriptures: 
Don’t play with fire.
“You have heard that it was said, “You shall not commit adultery. But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 
And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell. Matthew 5:27-30
Be appropriate in your interactions/ conversations/ texts… Don’t sign-off every text with ‘XXX’ it might be misconstrued.
Know your own vulnerabilities/ weaknesses
“For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.” 
Romans 12:3
Know your boundaries/ red lines and, in the moment, stick to them.
Flee temptation
“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.”
1 Corinthians 6:18
“Flee the evil desires of youth [though let’s not kid ourselves that older people don’t have desires!] and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” 2 Timothy 2:22
“Don’t give evil/devil a foothold.” Ephesians 4:27
Be open and accountable. Who do you need to talk to, confide in, walk with?
Not every relationship is “till death us do part”. If a relationship has irreparably come to an end, end it honestly/ honourably/ cleanly.
Unfaithfulness, adultery, causes deep and far-reaching hurt. Know that God is able to minister healing, binding up the broken hearted. 
But what if you’re the one who has caused pain to another? What then? Is there a way back? Sometimes I hear worrying, what if they have committed the unforgivable sin (Mk.3:28-29)? Is what they have done beyond God’s forgiveness? Yes, God forgives others and forgives them totally, but I can’t see how God can/ would forgive me. They’re aware that Jesus said:
“Truly I tell you, people can be forgiven all their sins and every slander they utter, but whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven; they are guilty of an eternal sin.’” Mark 3:28-29
No sin is beyond redemption. Christ died once and for all – for all. There’s no little asterisk, no small print, no “yes, but..”. I’ve come to think of the ‘unforgivable sin’ as any sin we can’t accept God’s total and complete forgiveness for. It’s what we place beyond the grace of God. If you have strayed, know that there is always a way back to God.
Through grace, the 7th is not so much a Commandment; it’s a Promise: You will not commit adultery because I will show you what true love and faithfulness is. You will not commit adultery because I will give you my Spirit of       love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, humility, and self-control.
RESPONSE:
•	Grace to be forgiven (forgive us our sin)
•	Grace to heal & forgive (as we forgive those who sin against us)

If this talk has triggered something or you would value an opportunity to chat things through in confidence, please reach out to me:
DannyBrierley@ChesterRoadBaptist.org.uk 
07840 046020