Separation and Divorce (Matthew 5:31-32)
Last week, as part of our Sermon on the Mount series, Liz fabulously helped us see the importance sexual integrity and how we each can and must maintain appropriate sexual boundaries.
Today, were thinking about separation and divorce. This is a painful issue for many. We all know people that have divorced. The ‘perfect couple’ that a few years later went their separate ways.
Sal and I got married in 1992 – 28 years ago. Since then, 42% of couples that got married in that same year as us are no longer together.
Some go on to find love again, even re-marry. Others are over the idea of marriage, let alone the thought of living again with one other person. Whilst some divorces are amicable, for plenty more, it’s a hugely painful experience.
Divorce and separation are not new. 2,000 years ago it was a hot topic.
First, it was a hot political issue.
Herod Antipas, Roman-appointed Governor of Galilee, was the Henry the VIII of his day. Jesus called him “that fox” (Luke 13:32).
Herod married Nabatea. Herod divorced Nabatea. Herod married his brother Philip’s wife, Herodias. He was just a bit vague about the order of things. It was all very underhand, sly.
Jesus’ cousin, John the Baptist, had questioned if Herod’s new marriage was even lawful. He soon found himself arrested, put in prison, be-headed and his head served on a plate as table decoration at a dinner party.
No wonder the Pharisees were jumpy about divorce. With a bit of luck, they could trick Jesus down the same fate at John the Baptist. So, that’s why in Matthew 19 they say, “Tell us, Jesus: “Is it lawful for a “man” to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”
Second, it was a hotly-debated religious issue too
Those who believed in God couldn’t agree when it came to divorce. 
Moses had said:
“If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house...” Deuteronomy 24:1
The two leading rabbinic movements of Shammai and Hillel were split. 
Rabbi Shamma took a very strict and narrow approach to divorce: it was only permissible in extreme cases of infidelity – when one partner (ideally, the woman) had been confirmed sexually unfaithful.
Rabbi Hillel took a more accepting approach: almost anything could be labelled ‘something indecent about her’ - acceptable grounds for divorce e.g. a bad cook, disagreed with her husband, husband no longer attracted to her…
So, again, that’s why, in Matthew 19:3, the Pharisees tried to test Jesus by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” (Matthew 19:3) They wanted to know if Jesus was on the side of Shammai or Hillel. 
Whilst these men (and it was, men) wanted to know what grounds they could use to divorce their wives, Jesus was far more interested in reminding them what God’s idea of marriage was all about. 
Just because some had separated or divorced, Jesus wasn’t giving up on marriage.   And neither should we.
Yes, 42% of marriages end in divorce, but that still means the majority of marriages remain “till death us do part”.
The divorce rate is in fact falling. It’s at the lowest it’s been since 1971. OK, that’s, in part, because the number of people getting married is also down. Significantly more couples now live together without getting married.
But, examining longitudinal studies, the IFS, Institute for Fiscal Studies, has found that cohabiting couples with children are three times more likely to separate than are married couples with children.
Anyway, so Jesus responded to their question with one of His own:
“Haven’t you read what it says in Genesis?”
They knew that taught that marriage is:
•	Holy – God’s idea. ‘The Creator made them’… It’s ‘what God has joined together…’
•	exclusive – they will be united together, the two will become one flesh
•	intimate based on physical, emotional, sexual union. Two become one flesh
•	Lasting – Therefore, what God has joined together, let no-one separate) – till death us do part.
Though marriage was, and still is, clearly not for everyone (Jesus made that clear in verse 11 & 12) those who do marry should do so with the expectation it is “till death us do part.”
Marriage is not just a piece of paper, a contract, between two people; it’s a Covenant – it’s two people standing before God, a three-thread chord. It’s holy, sacred.
What’s more, whilst only some people get married, marriage is a metaphor for a much bigger story – the union, relationship, between God and all of us, His people; Christ and His Church. Jesus is the Groom and we, the Church, are the Bride.
And that’s why, as the Prophet Malachi says, “God hates divorce!” (Malachi 2:14-16). Anyone who’s been through separation and divorce knows the pain.
Marriage is holy, messy, hopeful… It reminds us all that God wants exclusive relationship with you and I. Even intimacy!
But, whilst Christ is the Perfect Husband, we are not the perfect Bride.
Whist all marriages have times of struggle/ difficulty, some don’t survive. The relationship breaks down beyond repair.
Moses could see that, in a patriarchal society that was structurally biased to benefit men at the expense of women
•	only men could own property
•	only men could inherit property
•	men viewed women as property,
•	being property (like your bicycle), women had no legal rights, anything and everything they said was inadmissible in court – 
•	women, even if they wanted to, had no freedom to divorce their men
•	In any case, how would they then live? Survive? Men, on the other hand, were freely leaving their wives for trivial reasons, rendering them destitute.
In this context, Moses allowed for a ‘certificate of divorce’, primarily as a way of giving physical and economical protection to women. A man could only divorce his wife IF: 
“If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and if he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house…”
This gave her freedom to re-marry. For the first time, women had rights. Not enough, but it was the start of a long struggle – one that is still going on today.
Jesus says in both Matthew 5 and 19 adultery/ sexual unfaithfulness IS grounds for divorce.
Paul later also said, if a Christian is married to a non-Christian and the non-Christian wants to divorce, that too should be permitted. Paul also says the Christian should not initiate the divorce.
So, both Jesus and Paul seem to be saying divorce is only divorce if it allows for re-marriage.
No-one then, just as no-one today, would say divorce is the ideal. 
BUT neither is remaining trapped in a dead, sometimes even abusive, coercive and controlling relationship. There are times when divorce is not just the lesser of two evils, it’s an act of mercy and justice.
As always, grace abounds.
It wasn’t that long ago that divorce was a ‘taboo’ in most churches. Many churches wouldn’t even permit divorcees to receive Communion. Talk about being pastorally insensitive, adding insult to injury. Today, most churches have a better understanding. Certainly, here at Chester Road Baptist Church we are a growing community, we’ve all in different ways and times, messed up or had mess dumped on us.
If you’ve been through the pain of separation or divorce, know that God is on your side. There is grace without limit for you.
Jesus was even speaking grace and mercy to those who had committed adultery. 
“I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries the divorcee, commits adultery.”
That’s grace because, according to Deuteronomy 22:20 adultery was punishable by death. Just to acknowledge the possibility of re-marriage was to speak of life not death.
Maybe you’re someone who has been unfaithful to your partner, either in the past or today. God’s grace reaches out to you too. Not to overlook or ignore your affair, rather to bring you to your senses and restore you to right relationship with God and even with others.  If that’s you, reach out in confidence to either me or Liz Clayton.
In Matthew 19, Jesus was saying, God gave marriage as a means of lifelong blessing 
(Monogamy, by the way, is not just, do not have sex with someone you’re not married to, its do have sex with the person you are married to.) 
That, yes, marriage can break down, even to the point of separation and divorce.
And if it does, the root cause is because one or both partners are ‘hard of heart’. 
But, ultimately, Jesus came, not to take people back to the law, but forward into love. Through Him, our hearts of stone can be changed into hearts of flesh, we discover a new way to live. Love Wins!
Good news. God is in the business of fresh starts! Healing, restoring, forgiving, new creation. If you have experienced the pain of this, there is life after separation or divorce.
DannyBrierley@ChesterRoadBaptist.org.uk