Look away now!     Matthew 5:27-30

Let’s begin by busting a few myths this morning as we consider what Jesus teaches around inappropriate sexual attraction (lust).
Myth no 1: sex is bad, dirty, shameful, a necessary evil, and certainly not something to talk about, especially in church.  WRONG! Sex is God’s good gift, to be enjoyed and celebrated. Why do we ignore such a fundamental part of life in our teaching?
Myth no 2: there’s no problem with looking as long as you don’t touch. WRONG! Jesus makes the point that looking is as bad as touching. More on that later.
Myth no 3: inappropriate sexual attraction  is a bloke thing, so this teaching is only for men, and more specifically married men. WRONG! We are all sexual beings, regardless of our sex, gender, sexual orientation. We might lust over slightly different things, but it’s an issue whether we are gay, straight, male, female, in a committed relationship, or single.

 Ok. So now the myths are out of the way, imagine for a minute a newly married couple starting out in their first home together;. cooking and eating together. Early on in relationship we don’t know what the other person likes. How do we find out? We talk, ask each other, try out recipes. When we don’t like something, we say. When it all goes a bit pear shaped for whatever reason, we laugh and make do with whatever we can find in the cupboard. ‘It’s fun, exciting, all part of learning about the other person & sharing life together.
Over time as our relationship develops we find favourite meals that become part of our staple diet, some that have particular meaning for us (eg this is something we eat to mark a particular occasion or anniversary, the odd special treat when we make a real effort and pull out all the stops. Eating dinner is part of our daily lives together and on-going relationship.
Perhaps you watch the odd food programme like Masterchef, and what they cook looks so good. Your mouth is watering. There is absolutely nothing wrong with admiring that food and thinking how tasty it would be. But it’s almost dinner time so you turn off the TV and head into the kitchen. Your partner is just serving out a meal. It’s a bit rushed because they are tight on time, You thank them for cooking anyway, and deliberately put out of mind the feast you just witnessed on the telly. A couple of times through the meal you think back to that perfect plate of food you saw, but you know that what you have has been lovingly prepared and your thankful for it.
Over time your mind keeps going back to Masterchef. You Sstart to watch it regularly. It becomes a bit of a thing. You start to ind your dinners are much less interesting; boring, bland.  And whenever you go out shopping your eyes are drawn to magazine racks and you can’t help but buy the good feed guide. You ogle the perfectly laid out plates of food. The fact that it might not even be real, that it’s probably  inedible, and that it’s been digitally enhanced, is lost on you in that moment of desire.
Possibly One day instead of coming home for dinner you go out looking for that dream food that has become such an obsession.  Before you know it you’re eating out regularly, you’re hiding your trips, when you do cook together you’re consumed with guilt and self-loathing. 
You see the problem? It began with a fleeting look and thought. We all have those. But the issue came when that look and thought wasn’t dismissed, it was given room to develop and flourish. Because the thought was entertained it became more than a thought, it began to translate ever so subtly into action, and all the while being justified at every step.
Now replace that scenario with sexual relationship instead of food. Jesus says very clearly in his teaching that it’s not just the act of adultery  (that is sex outside of a marriage) that is a big NO as far as God/the law is concerned.. It’s also  the thought processes behind it that are an issue and need to be stopped in their tracks, nipped in the bud, your wandering eye poked out, grasping hand chopped off, or whatever analogy you want to choose. The message is stop it and stop it now (before it goes any further)
So I can look at someone and think phwor, they’re a bit fit. That’s natural. We are wired to find others sexually attractive. But then I have a choice to make. I can continue to look & begin to imagine myself with that person. I can develop fantasies of myself with that person, all the while telling myself that its ok because I haven’t  been unfaithful, I haven’t actually done anything. But then I might begin to make comparisons between my fantasy and real life. I am in danger of becoming dissatisfied, and then I might decide to feed that dissatisfaction with an erotic book describing unrealistic sexual relationships. And from then on I’m on a slippery slope. 
Sex is often elevated in Christian circles as some big sin, way bigger than others. We can’t get away from the fact that sexual sin is a biggie because it is damaging of something beautiful that God has brought together; two become one flesh. Sex isn’t just a physical act; it is something deep and profound, of God. Giving of self to another comes with personal cost, making yourself vulnerable to that other person.
When God sent Moses down from mount Sinai with the ten commandments on stone tablets he was setting out a framework for living that dealt with the biggies in life: Don’t murder, don’t have sex outside of your marriage, dont steal, dont lie, dont be obsessed with what your neighbours have. Now Jesus was saying yes, all those things matter, but it’s time to think deeper,  not simply paying lip service as many were doing. Jesus’ manifesto was a radical one. Your thoughts count; your inner life counts.
If we go back to the food analogy;  we accept that its ok and perfectly normal to look at someone else’s plate of  food and find it attractive. There is no issue with being attracted. The issue is what you do after that. Do you make a deliberate choice to be grateful for your food, commit to cooking together as often as possible and take time to appreciate what you have, acknowledging that there will be times when its very tempting to have food envy? Or do you fuel your desires by watching as many progs as you can without being discovered, and looking at food magazines  whenever you get the opportunity?. 

Saying a firm ‘no’ outside of exclusive committed relationship, the ideal of which is marriage, is to deal drastically with inappropriate sexual attraction. And get rid of the opportunity to look. (perhaps not by taking Jesus’ hyperbole literally otherwise next time we meet we will all have scars from all chopped something off.)  But first of all be honest with yourself. Recognise that you are attracted and are wanting to keep looking.. 
So remove the temptation, or remove yourself from it. If that means chucking a load of stuff in the bin, then so be it; putting filters on your phone, having your desktp where others can see it, changing office, no longer going to a particular place, then so be it.
Perhaps make yourself accountable to someone you trust.

And water your own relationship (if you are in one). You know the saying’ the grass is always greener on the other side’? Well the grass is usually greener when it is has been watered. Direct your energies towards deepening the relationship you do have. 

I say all this as if it’s easy. Its not!  Ask God, the maker of human relationships for help. And seek support if you need it.
If all this seems very harsh and unrealistic in our 21st century context (and therefore relevant to us) then let me tell you that it was no less of an issue in the wider pagan world of the first century. There were many practices that went against God’s ideal of committed sexual relationship between people. It was no more or less radical a call than it is now. Hormones and sexual drive are no stronger now than they were 2000 years ago. 
 It would have required discipline, strength and act of will and the divine help of the holy spirit, as it does now. 

We all make mistakes; we all fall short of the high standards of God, whether that’s a physical act that stays undiscovered, or a thought in our inner, hidden life.  
God, Jesus, is in the business of restoration. There is nothing that the grace of God cannot and does not cover; nothing that God cannot heal if we ask him. Jesus’ teaching is tough, and it’s tough for reason. So let’s bring our lives before him again today asking for strength.

LizClayton@ChesterRoadBaptist.org.uk